What Are You Looking For?

I wake up with my breath stuck in my throat. No matter how much I try to move it deeper or higher, it just doesn’t move. And my head, it throbs. It throbs from all the helping and guiding and giving and saving I’m doing in my sleep. 

I wake up tired and nervous. Not to mention in a bad mood. I shuffle to the coffee maker to get our morning pot of joe going. While the water is percolating, I turn on the phone. And I check in. 

First Instagram, then Facebook. What are others saying, what are others doing, what have they said about my post from yesterday. 

But what am I looking for? 

And why am I looking externally for it? 

For starters, I am nosey - I want to know how others are dealing with the crisis. Because I can size them up based on how they are doing. 

If they are doing poorly, then one point for me. I’m doing better than that. 

If they are doing great, then one loss for me, because I still swing from “its all going to be fine” to “oh my gosh, is this the great revelation?!”

But what starts off as nosey ends up leaving me pissed off. 

I’m pissed off at the people that are shouting stay at home. I don’t want to thankyouverymuch. 

I’m pissed off at the people trying to tell me how to grow a business and what I should be doing during this time. I hate people telling me what to do. Always have. Always will. I think they are selfish and unkind. Can’t they encourage others to relax. 

I’m tired of all the inspiration. Thanks guys, I get it but man its so not helping. It’s falling on deaf ears. 

I’m confused because I don’t know what I should be doing. Should I be hustling? Or should I be napping? Should I be worried? Or should I be glad?

The noise is deafening; gosh it is hard to hear when you allow the outside a front row ticket to your life. 

When we tune in, when we check in, what are we looking for? 

If we are looking for answers, then is that the likely place to find it?

If we are looking for advice or pats on the back or comfort, is that the best place for it?

If we are looking for wisdom and guidance, then it seems UNLIKELY that a bunch of who-evers on the internet is the best place to turn. 

What I’m looking for, I’m noticing, is right in front of me. It’s not lost, therefore I don’t have to go in search of it. It’s been there all along. 

Inside our bodies is our soul, let’s check in with it as much as we check in online.

It was the answer for you. The guidance, the security, the advice. 

Inside our 4 walls is our family. Let’s make decisions from there, the nucleus of who we are as a collective. 

Fight the urge to scroll the screen and to check in. Sit down on the inside first. Pick up the Good Book. Start there.