When Competition Isn't Fun

I’ve never been a competitive person. It wasn’t a requirement in my family. I never had to compete for anything really. At least no other child. No brother or sister to steal my parents attention, love, and gifts. Just me. 

They didn’t sign me up for much sports as a kid, so there was never much coaching around strategy to win. 

The most competitive I’ve ever gotten was in college. I wanted to be the smartest girl in the accounting class, after all, numbers were my gift. I knew how to study to be an A student, but in this class, I needed to learn how to study to beat Alicia Bess. 

If I made an 98, she made a 101. If I made a 100, she made a 106. I could never seem to reach the pinnacle of perfect and smart, and it drove me batty. 

Somewhere though in between never being competitive and never achieving perfection, I think I ditched (or just gave up) on competing. 

For one, it sucks.

Emotionally and mentally and physically. Competing requires a lot from you and man does that get to be a drag. 

I really don’t care to win at everything in life, so that required extra effort is a hard pass for me. No thanks. 

Another is I really hate the “I win, you lose” polarity of it. If I win then that means I can say I am better than you. Nanny-nanny-boo-boo-stick-your-head-in-doo-doo. 

Truth is, I’m not really into that sorta thing. I might strive for a certain reputation, but for me to say I am better than you, well that just feels wrong. Un-Christian like. It feels mean. 

And I hate being mean. 

Direct, yes. But never mean just to be mean. 

And I don’t want anyone else to lose. I want everyone to win. 

So I don’t care. I don’t care about competing on looks, on money, on behavior, on status, on business. 

I want to do my best, always, but I never want to compete, but it is so NOT fun. 

Where are you competing in your life? And for what?

Jennifer Grant