My Journey Away From Alcohol
Raymond and I were sitting in the living room and I kept looking at the time wondering how it could only be 5:30pm. Surely it was later than that! He was oblivious to my anxiousness just chatting away about what our plans were to celebrate my birthday which was a few weeks away. I was listening with one ear on and one ear off.
I couldn’t hold it in any longer, I blurted out:
I cannot believe I’m about to say this outloud….but I have thought about wine at least five times already and it is only 5:30pm.
He gave me a reassuring look to calm my nerves, which helped a little. Then we shuffled into the kitchen to cook dinner which was surely to keep my hands and mind busy.
For a little backstory.
Somewhere along the journey from college kid to young adult, alcohol snuck it’s way into daily life. There are many hypotheses for how, but the fact of the matter was that I drank something…daily. And my drink of choice was wine.
One glass of wine a night ended up being two then three which was pretty much an entire bottle. Wine was glamorous and sophisticated and “good for you”, right?
There were many times that I thought this habit was unhealthy both for my actual health and my money health. I tried all the tricks.
I would only drink on the weekends, I promised to myself.
I would only drink one glass, using a measuring cup to level out 4 oz.
None of the tricks worked. The weekends turned into Thursday nights and Sunday nights which turned into…daily drinking again. And 4 oz was a joke.
I drank mostly at home, looking forward to the end of a work day so I could wind down with my glass of wine, crank up some tunes, and get cooking in the kitchen.
Like in the movies, you know?
Raymond spent most evenings at the golf course so by the time he got home I was …. well …. drunk.
Not all the time, but more than I care to remember, he would make a comment (I couldn’t tell you about what) which would trigger me and off I would go. Pissed and mad, I would cry and yell profanities. All with that wine glass in my hand.
Something had to give with this habit of mine but I had no idea how to break it. If I didn’t, then my relationship was going to break.
A few months before my living room confession, my friend Gaby reached out about a program that she was hosting: 30 Days to Healthy Living with Arbonne. I knew enough about the program from watching her tell us over and over on her Instagram stories for the past 3 years.
The program was designed to eliminate things that were acidic, allergenic, and addictive. For 30 days, you went without coffee, alcohol, soy, gluten, and dairy.
I signed up and bought the packet of vitamins and protein knowing this was my lifeline. January 2019 came around and it was time to eliminate those things. It took me 10 days to work through the daily cravings of the wine. By the end of the month, I decided to re-up my “contract” and agreed to go another month without alcohol. Then I went another. And then another.
I spent a total of 6 months alcohol free that year and 6 months where I would have something to drink but not much.
I was changing, but I wanted something more.
As the fireworks shot off to celebrate 2020, I committed to no more alcohol. One day turned into one month turned into 3 months turned into one year.
Three hundred and sixty five days without a drop of alcohol.
I could not have been prouder of myself. I was a changed woman inside and out.
I slept better! I haven’t had a fight with Raymond since I stopped drinking (this alone was worth it!!!).
I dropped a few pounds. I had a clearer mind.
And I didn’t wake up with headaches. Which is also called hangovers.
I’m often asked if I will ever have a drink of alcohol again in my life; tell you the truth, that is too big of a mountain to climb and commit to climbing. So I take it one day at a time.
I’m not having a drink today.
For me, there is far too much goodness to outweigh the initial high of pouring myself a glass of wine and settling into an evening … of getting drunk.
As you can imagine, it is a little embarrassing sharing a story such as this. But I share out of love, if there is something that you want to change about yourself, then please allow me the space to cheerlead! You can do it!
If the daily drinker who fought with her boyfriend and woke up constantly with hangovers can come out of it surviving and thriving, then so can you.
I have an aversion to the word sober - but what the heck - cheers to 365 days (& counting!) of being just that … sober.
And happy as a little clam. :)
I love you friend!
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